Day Twentyone


Three weeks into this journal. Time to pause and look back. It is not shaping up the way I had intended it to be. It is becoming more about the pandemic, than me. I should be recording more of my thoughts, my anxieties, my fears.

My fears and anxieties are still same as when I had begun this blog. Nothing has happened to allay them. On the contrary, they have grown. I am now additionally fearful of the lockdown being lifted and the haste to resume normalcy. I won’t be able to bring myself to act and behave normally for a long time.

The lockdown hasn’t affected me in any material way. I can continue to lead a normal life inside the four walls of my home. But my moral dilemma is – should I? How do I respond with empathy to those suffering? I am consuming news and information, sometimes mechanically like a robot. Cases and casualties are daily statistics to be plugged into the spreadsheet.

Let me try to breakdown my anxiety and fears:
Short Term (next 30 days). The anxiety is least. I know Amma is very well isolated. I am venturing out to buy milk every morning and once in 3 days to buy vegetables. The physical distancing isn’t exactly perfect at the vegetable seller.
Medium Term (next 6 months). The anxiety is most. The threat will persist. But rules will be relaxed. How can I continue to be isolated without losing the meaning and purpose of life? The incentive to break rules will be tempting.
Long term (2021 and beyond). What would be the threat perception? Can I travel as much as I want to? Will there be rules that bar senior citizens from travelling?

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